faith, family, friends + farming = abundant life

Today I worked at the ball field all day…along with lots of other volunteers.  I spent a lot of the day at a gate that was used for handicapped access and officials, etc. This was not the main entrance. Many times throughout the day I heard the same comment from those passing through that way…a reference to me being the gatekeeper …

I wanted to allow everyone through that gate but that couldn’t happen. I started thinking about John 10, Matthew 7:13-14, and John 14…Jesus is the gate, He is the Way, the Truth, the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Christ. Jesus is our Shepherd, He calls His own sheep by name, the sheep follow Him for they know His voice! 

There is no greater peace than knowing Jesus as my personal Savior! Rescued and redeemed by His sacrificial death on the cross, I can approach the gate with the confidence that the Shepherd knows my name and I can enter by that narrow gate…for the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life…

Do you know the One who is the Way, the Truth, the Life? The One who gave His very life for YOU? Have you heard His voice?  

Ephesians 2:8-10 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

God never ceases to amaze me…how the little pieces of my day, while seemingly haphazard to me, have been ordered by my Creator! Psalm 90:12-teach me to number my days that I might gain a heart of wisdom! 

Let me be straightforward, it is imperative that we cultivate our love of God’s Word and develop a habit of prayer during the ‘good times’ in our lives; so that during ‘crisis times’ we can draw strength and comfort from Christ as naturally as drawing our next breath! 

Earlier today, I had a family emergency…my daughter, who is an hour and a half away at college, had a severe allergic reaction to a medication and had to go to the ER. As I was heading to the hospital, I texted a few friends/prayer warriors to please be praying for her. For reasons unknown to me, not one person got my texts… So for an hour and a half, I drove (rather quickly)…and wondered why none of my friends had responded…I couldn’t open my Bible while I was driving…but I could pray and pray I did! God used this time to remind me that He Alone is sufficient. How grateful that events from this past year had reignited a passion within me to pursue His Word! God’s truths were etched on my heart and He brought them to mind as I prayed. His promises brought me peace.  And not by chance, I had just attended a funeral service where Hope was proclaimed! Those words of hope and truth soothed my soul. 

God is good. God is faithful.  God heard the prayers of a mother’s heart and He alone was the answer to my prayers. 

As I traveled back home this evening, this song came on the radio…nothing is more true…

“Your Words”

Let me hear Your words  Above all other voices 

Above all the distractions in this world

Let me hear Your words  Above all of the voices 

Above all the distractions in this world

For Your words bring life

And Your voice speaks promises

Lord, Your love offers more

Than anything else in this world

Your words give us life that’s never ending

Your words bring us love that never fails

Everything else will fade away

But what will remain

Are Your words

Let us speak Your words

More than ours, more than ever 

Let us share Your love with all the world 

The grass will wither and the flowers will fall

But the word of our God will last forever

The grass will wither and the flowers will fall

But the word of our God will last forever

Am I a person of integrity? God has been speaking to my heart this week…

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely

The integrity of the upright guides them

The righteous walks in his integrity, blessed are his children after him

Those who act faithfully are His delight

Do not swerve to the right or to the left, turn away from evil

By this I know that you delight in me, my enemy will not shout in triumph over me! You have upheld me because of my integrity, and set me in Your presence forever.  Psalm 41:11-12

Act honorably in all things. Hebrews 13:18

…till I die I will not put away my integrity from me. I will hold fast my righteousness…Job 27:4-6

May my conduct be honorable and glorify God. 1 Peter 2:12

A pure heart and sincere faith. 1 Timothy 1:5

Hospitable, lover of good, self controlled, upright, holy, disciplined.  Titus 1:8

Trust in my Lord without wavering.

Hearer and doer of the Word!

And if I want to claim the King as my friend… I should strive for purity of heart and gracious speech…
Oh how I fail in my own strength, but oh how You are magnified in my weaknesses…   God search my heart, mold me, break me, and fill me with your Holy Spirit…may my integrity be founded in a passionate pursuit of prayer and seeking You in the Word!

so…I just listened to yesterday’s message…wow! Well actually I have listened to it twice and then studied the Scriptures for the past hour or so. 

Acts 5:29 “…we must obey God rather than men”.  If we are to proclaim this, then first we must be certain that we have established a pattern of obeying men. Hebrews 13:17 & 18 “Obey your leaders…pray for them…”  Our integrity is dependent upon our actions – ALL of our actions! 

Submission and obedience ultimately belong solely to God! Submit is defined as the act of giving over or yielding to the power or authority of another. Obey is defined as complying with or following commands, restrictions, instructions, etc. Submission is an inward attitude that requires love, respect and a willingness to yield to another. Obedience is an outward action that is independent of a personal relationship. 

A hardened heart resists direction from God and others! Create in me a clean heart, O God! I am sorry…for my pride, for my selfishness, my bad attitude…and the list goes on! Create in me a clean heart, O God! I want to be a Jesus revolutionary- nailing my flesh to the cross! Create in me a clean heart, O God! Help me speak the Truth in love, without attacking! The Truth can pierce the soul. The Truth can set us free. The Truth is Jesus! 

The works of God cannot be stopped! With or without me, God will prevail! The fact that God loved me enough to desire a relationship with me, a relationship only possible through the sacrificial death and resurrection of His Son Jesus, grips my heart with a burning desire to submit to and to obey whatever the Lord requires of me! 

Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 

A gift whose cost we cannot fathom. A gift whom the world cannot understand. A gift so overwhelming. A gift who promises eternal life. Jesus Christ is our gift. Jesus was without sin yet He became sin…the weight of the sin He bore on my behalf I cannot even imagine! My Savior hung on the cross, He took my punishment, He experienced the abandonment only I deserved! In the moment of His darkest need, He felt forsaken! Why? So that I would never be abandoned nor forsaken! His gift of righteousness bought by His very blood! He pursues me with a love I cannot comprehend! His grace, His sweet saving grace!

yes, I admit it…I am overwhelmed on so many levels…I am such an introvert. Not one to share especially if I have to vocalize my thoughts…so writing is therapeutic…

Let me just say one main reason I am out of sorts is because I have misplaced my Bible. My Bible (all 10 pounds of the big thing!) goes with me everywhere. To work. At the kitchen table. Beside the sofa. In the bed. In the car. To church. Yes, I can look up and read stuff online. I have other Bilbes at home I can use, but I want my Bible! If I were a child, I would be throwing a temper tantrum right now! There is comfort in holding my Bible in my hands, feeling the pages as I search the Word; encouragement and wisdom are found not only already printed on those pages, but written in the margins, text highlighted because it revealed a new truth to me! I like finding the pages more worn than others, those are the places I realize that I  go to most often seeking Hope and Grace and Truth!  When I pray for others, I open my Bible and I let The Holy Spirit direct me to books, chapters, verses – and that is where I begin to pray for my friends and family and others that burden my heart. I know I don’t have the answers, but God does. So His Word is where I turn to…  

So pray that I find my Bible…

Here are the remaining reasons I feel overwhelmed…Since last September I have been busy…busy trying to be a good daughter when my dad was in the hospital; busy when my mother in law (who was like a mother to me) was hospitalized in October, busy when my mom “hurt her back” in November, busy as my mother in law and my mom seemed to take turns in the hospital, busy in December when my mom was officially diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer, so busy that friends did my Christmas shopping, busy trying to be a good wife, mom, daughter, daughter in law, sister, employee, and serve at church… Into January I was still busy with the overwhelming demands of two of my children, basically living between Forsyth Medical and Wake Forest Medical and I kept busy as my grandmother also became ill, and as my mother in law and my mom’s conditions worsened. February 4th, Dennis’ family was able to honor their mom’s wish to go home…less than an hour after arriving home, she passed away. Still I kept busy, and while visiting my mom at the hospital on February 17th, I had a seizure. That slowed me down temporarily, while continuing to teach me lessons of humility… and yet the “busy”ness continued into March as my grandmother passed away. The night of my grandmother’s visitation, in the middle of a funeral home in Lexington, I get the call from dad that mom has suddenly transitioned to “dying” per the Hospice nurse. So we rush from a funeral home to the Hospice home where the next afternoon on March 13 (during the funeral service for my grandmother -her mother) I watch my mom take her last breath.  

And still I have kept busy. Too busy to grieve. Busy is good, right? I thought so. Until this past week, when a dear friend jokingly made a comment about me being “Wonder Woman”! Those words pierced my soul. Is that how I am perceived? That is not my desire nor my intentions!  Have I been too busy? Probably. The busy pushes out the sadness, the busy keeps the tears away, the busy forces frustrations away…

So here I am, with this overwhelming sense of sadness threatening the depths of my heart. With the overwhelming feeling of failure – as a wife and mom and friend and servant of Christ!  I don’t want to just be “busy” for the Lord! I want others to have the same passion I do serving Christ and His church, and reaching out to others, I want others to experience this overwhelming love of God the Father! 

A love that overwhelms all else!  Oh to be overwhelmed by the flood of grace and mercy and peace that flows freely from the foot of the cross! I can stand assured of this, even without my Bible, I can cling to the promises of the One who rescues me from the miry clay, the One who pulls me from the pit and sets my feet upon the Rock! My Redeemer is faithful to bring His Words that I have hidden in my heart to the tip of my tongue; so that I can shout praises even in the midst of sadness, joy can spring forth in the mix of tears and oh what peace soothes my soul knowing that friends are undergirding me with prayer! 

Just being real. I am a sinner struggling to find balance. Trying to “be still and know that He is God”!  Humbled that His very presence overwhelms and refreshes my soul! 

Thirteen years ago, I was holding in my arms, my third child for the first time! She has taught me far more than I have taught her…she has such a passion for life. She is kind and compassionate, fiery and feisty, competitive and driven! She wants to experience life to the fullest! My prayer for her is that she would follow her Biblical namesake, Abigail…discerning and beautiful, humble and bold, speaking truth in love, building up others for the kingdom! Praying Proverbs 15 over her this coming year…that she would have a wise and gentle tongue speaking life to those around her!

well, four years ago I thought blogging about our new family would be awesome!! LOL!! It was a good idea and I truly wish I could have been more diligent about recording the incredible journey we have been on…but to be honest, I have not had free hands to type with…these hands have been busy- cooking for an army (so it seems anyway), cleaning, praying, washing the never ending mounds of laundry, praying, playing, teaching, folding those mountains of laundry, and praying more! Notice the theme??

Four. Hard. Fun. Crazy. Heart wrenching. Life changing. Years.

If you ever want to grow in your relationship with Christ, just step outside your comfort zone and into the center of God’s will- in other words, be obedient! Just because we are in the center of His will does not mean things will be easy and I would dare say you are almost guaranteed that things will be far from easy! When we step out in faith beyond anything we are capable of, we have no choice but to lean on the One who is our true source of strength, bringing Him glory and honor!

For me, June 29th commemorates two things…the physical growth of our family and the spiritual growth of our family! I look forward to pouring out my heart and sharing how Jesus has changed me these past four years and how He continues to do so.

For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. Psalm 84:10

this evening was a compilation of many things… a first that i thought i would never have again – a child starting school!  it was also my first experience of the beginning of my oldest daughter’s last year of high school!  my in-betweens are not lacking either – the last year of middle school for my oldest son and the start of third grade for our now “middle” child! all with a 2 year old in preschool! sound confusing…good…that’s how i have felt all day.  the only clear thing – God is in control – and He has woven together a beautiful family in a way that only He could do!  We are humbled to be a tiny part of His plan!

We are into our third night as a new family and once again all around me are the beautiful sounds of sleeping children (this includes Dennis!).  It was a full day for the crew…daniel helped dad with alyssa’s car and granny’s washing machine; evan & abigail had swim practice; evan & nautica got to know their “godbrother” Jacob while playing at the pool; evan, mommy, alyssa, and nautica sorted evan’s toys and found them a home in his room; abigail had a playdate with moriah; and the whole crew ended the evening at the Seats/Leonard July 4th BBQ celebration!  By the time we got home, nautica stated she was sleepy and wanted in her bed and the lights out!!!  so in a matter of minutes, all five monkeys were bathed and in bed!! 

I am just thrilled that “at my age” I can still out last them all!!!!!